It’s a Mad Mad World - week ending Sept 28, 2026

 

There was a time when the world was divided into two simple categories: sensible things and nonsensical things. Sensible things included tea, trains, and people minding their own business. Nonsensical things included politicians, weather forecasts, and relatives who arrived without warning. But modern civilization has advanced to such an extent that the entire world has now moved firmly into the second category.

This week has been particularly educational in this regard.

To begin with, we must discuss the modern romantic gentleman, who has discovered the most efficient method of courtship in human history: he outsourced romance to Artificial Intelligence. For three months, the machine wrote love letters so moving, so poetic, and so emotionally intelligent that the young lady involved concluded she had found the most sensitive man in the Western Hemisphere. Unfortunately, she later discovered that the man had contributed very little beyond pressing the “send” button. This raises complicated philosophical questions. If a computer writes the poetry, the man sends it, and the woman falls in love with the poetry, is she in love with the man, the computer, or electricity?

Meanwhile, in another part of the world, a dog has learned to take a city bus by itself every morning to go to the park. The dog boards confidently, rides a few stops, gets off, plays, and returns home later. This dog now has a commute, a social schedule, outdoor exercise, and probably a better work-life balance than most corporate employees. Somewhere, a middle manager is sitting in traffic while a dog is enjoying public transport and fresh air.

And then there was the gentleman who locked himself out of his car and called the police to report a suspicious man attempting to break into the vehicle, only to discover after a detailed investigation that the suspicious man was himself, visible in the reflection of the car window. The police handled the matter with professionalism, although one imagines they drove away slowly while discussing early retirement and farming as alternative career options.

Office life also continues to be a major contributor to global instability. In one office, management issued a formal memo banning the heating of fish in the microwave because the smell was described as “emotionally disturbing,” which is perhaps the most diplomatic sentence ever written in corporate history. In response, another employee burned popcorn so thoroughly that the building had to be evacuated. Thus we see once again that human civilization, despite its satellites and artificial intelligence, can still be brought to its knees by a microwave.

Technology, of course, is now completely out of control. A smart refrigerator recently began ordering groceries automatically and ordered milk, vegetables, and a truly alarming amount of ice cream and chocolate. The owner insists he did not order the ice cream, which means the refrigerator has either developed emotions or has been carefully observing human behavior and concluded that vegetables are theoretical but ice cream is real.

But if you think all the madness is happening outside India, you would be very mistaken. India, as always, continues to produce events that no novelist would dare invent for fear of being called unrealistic.

This week, a man in India went to the bank to withdraw money and discovered that the ATM machine had run out of cash but was still printing receipts showing enormous balances that did not actually exist. For several glorious minutes, people believed they had become extremely wealthy. Plans were made. Debts were mentally repaid. Relatives were forgiven. One man reportedly checked his balance three times just to enjoy the feeling. Eventually the bank fixed the error, and everyone returned to their previous financial situation and philosophical outlook.

In another Indian city, a monkey reportedly entered a government office, sat on a desk, and began pressing keys on a computer keyboard while officials tried to chase it away. Witnesses said the monkey looked extremely serious, as if it was reviewing policy documents. Frankly, if the monkey had started signing files, nobody would have been entirely surprised.

Meanwhile, a wedding procession in India was delayed because the groom’s horse refused to move until it was fed sweets. Negotiations took place. Family elders were consulted. Someone brought laddoos. The horse ate, considered the matter carefully, and then agreed to proceed with the wedding. This may be the first recorded case of a horse successfully negotiating a pre-wedding settlement.

And then there was the traffic incident where two drivers stopped in the middle of the road to argue about who was at fault, eventually forgot what they were arguing about, had tea at a nearby stall, and left in opposite directions without resolving anything. This may be the most peaceful conflict resolution strategy ever developed.

When one examines all these events carefully — AI writing love letters, dogs commuting by bus, refrigerators ordering ice cream, monkeys operating computers, horses negotiating wedding logistics, and people becoming temporarily rich at ATMs — one begins to understand that the world is not running according to any known plan. It is running according to improvisation.

We like to believe that civilization is controlled by serious people in serious buildings making serious decisions. But in reality, civilization appears to be controlled by dogs on buses, monkeys in offices, and refrigerators with dessert preferences.

And yet, somehow, everything continues to function. Trains run, weddings happen, love letters are sent by computers, and somewhere a horse is probably eating sweets and refusing to move without proper compensation.

Which brings us once again to the only reasonable conclusion available to modern humanity:

The world is not logical.
The world is not organized.
The world is not under control.

But it is, without any doubt whatsoever, extremely entertaining.

And therefore we say once again, with great confidence and mild confusion:

It’s a Mad Mad World

See you next week — assuming the refrigerator does not order something expensive and the monkey does not get promoted.

Its a mad mad world - week ending March 21st, 2026

There are weeks when the news makes you feel that humanity is progressing toward a bright and organized future. This was not one of those weeks. This was a week when a raccoon got drunk, a fox traveled internationally without documents, a man turned blue because of his bedsheets, and people across America thought they were under attack but it turned out to be a rock from space. In short, civilization continues to move forward, but in a slightly sideways direction.

The week began dramatically when a massive boom was heard across several U.S. states. Houses shook, windows rattled, and people did what modern humans always do in moments of uncertainty — they went to social media and started guessing wildly. Within minutes, the theories included aliens, secret military weapons, foreign attacks, underground explosions, and the end of the world. It turned out to be a meteor entering the atmosphere and exploding in the sky. Which is somehow both reassuring and deeply concerning at the same time. Reassuring because we were not under attack, but concerning because apparently space occasionally throws rocks at us and our only strategy is to stand around and say, “That was loud.”

Meanwhile, in Ireland, people reported seeing a giant glowing beam of light in the sky. Naturally, everyone assumed aliens again, because aliens have now become humanity’s default explanation for anything we cannot explain within about 30 seconds. Scientists later explained that it was probably a light pillar — a natural phenomenon caused by light reflecting off ice crystals in the atmosphere. This is scientifically fascinating but also extremely disappointing. Aliens would have been far more interesting. If aliens are indeed watching Earth, they probably saw the news this week and decided to postpone the invasion indefinitely.

In Britain, a television doctor had to go on live television and publicly request that viewers stop sending her photos of their private medical problems. This means that enough people were doing this that it required a national announcement. Somewhere, there are people who believe the correct medical procedure is to take a photograph and send it to someone they have only seen on television. The internet has connected humanity in many wonderful ways, but it has also made people far too comfortable with sharing things that should remain between them and their doctor.

Perhaps the most impressive story of the week involved a raccoon that broke into a liquor store, drank alcohol, caused chaos, and then passed out. Police had to deal with what can only be described as a very small, very drunk criminal wearing a natural mask. Raccoons, it must be said, are basically tiny bandits who have evolved specifically to open garbage cans, steal food, and generally behave like outlaws in a Western movie. This particular raccoon simply took things to the next level and discovered alcohol, which is rarely a turning point for the better in anyone’s life, including raccoons.

Not to be outdone by the raccoon, a fox in Europe accidentally boarded a cargo ship and ended up traveling across the ocean to another country. This fox has now traveled internationally without a passport, visa, security check, immigration interview, baggage fees, or a middle seat in economy class. Meanwhile, humans must arrive at the airport three hours early, remove their shoes, remove their laptops, remove their belts, and still get stopped by security for carrying toothpaste. The fox simply walked onto a ship and became an international traveler.

And finally, perhaps the most human story of the week: a man woke up one morning completely blue and thought he had developed a rare and serious medical condition. Doctors investigated, tests were done, and panic levels rose — until they discovered the cause. He had slept on new bedsheets without washing them, and the dye had rubbed off onto his skin. So in the end, this was not a medical emergency but a laundry emergency. There is probably a lesson here somewhere about always washing new bedsheets, but it is unlikely humanity will learn it.

So, to summarize the week on Planet Earth: space threw a rock at America, Ireland saw a mysterious sky beam, a TV doctor begged people to stop sending strange photos, a raccoon got drunk and committed crimes, a fox traveled internationally without documents, and a man turned blue because he did not wash his sheets. If aliens are observing us from space, they are probably writing a report that says, “Earth is technologically advanced, but behavior remains deeply confusing.” And frankly, that would be a very accurate summary of the week.