Last night woke up with a terrible nightmare.
My time was over. Well, that wasnt that bad after all.
But something terrible happened afterwards.
Clerical error put me in the wrong bus and I was in heaven instead of hell- where I had so meticulously reserved a spot.
As I reached the Heaven, I immediately knew was in a wrong place.
There were true blue faithful Christians, Muslims, Hindus and Jews. Exactly the crowd I struggled so hard to stay away from during my brief life.
The Library was awful - just 4 boring books - each of which claimed to contain everything you need to know.
First stepped into the Christian zone. They were still euphoric about the God agreeing to their demand of painting every corner of their quarter with bright white paint - which they claimed will make their quarter great again.
They were regular church going evangelical conservatives and hardcore NRA members who swore by their 2nd amendment and right to carry assault weapons along with their King James version. They thought war was essential for economy and proudly declared themselves as "Pro Life" . They were hell bent on building a wall in their Christian Quarter to keep the Hindus and Muslim residents of heaven out of their zone and wanted to make the Hindus and Muslims pay for it. They only believed in a Judeo-Christian Heaven. Others like me were considered as the unwanted intruders to a Judeo-Christian heaven.
I hurried out of the Christian zone and stepped into the Hindu zone. There were people in khaki chaddis who have heroically took part in pitched battles while defending Gaumatas. Theirs was the only zone in heaven which had great looking bars with cool hookah offering smokes of marijuana and bhang brownies. Marijuana initiated the take off and the bhang in the brownie helped ascent to a height that I never scaled before.
Now was the time to taste the beer. The Apsara at the counter appeared every bit of the Mohini - which Vatsyana has so graphically narrated in the Kamasutra. I asked her for a large pint and she obliged with a mysterious smile. And then
!!! A THUD AND A THOUSAND YUCKS !!!!
What the heck was that ? Did she just say that was gaumutra (cow piss) ? Quick -- tell me -- where is the rest room and the sink ?
As I emerged out from the rest room after emptying out my bowel, I could see the commotion coming out from the Muslim Quarter. The latest batch of fedayeen members from ISIS were clearly unhappy and loudly expressing their displeasure. They had run short of virgin maidens, after all 72 "houris" for each could surely constraint the supply logistics .
Someone whispered in my ear -- "You better scoot" . This bunch of desperados could even target unsuspecting male denizens of jannat from the south to vent out their frustration. Terrified -- I darted out as I saw one of these fedayeen slowly land his steps towards my direction.
As I was stepping into the Jewish quarter -- my good and faithful Dog Mako came to my rescue. He realized I was sweating and tossing and turning all over in a terrible nightmare.
And I was so thankful that he used his good judgement to lick me all over my face to wake me out of that hell called the heaven where all these believers land up.
